I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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