im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
