You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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