Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
