you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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