i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
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