but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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