Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
