Ambien. No doubt about it.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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