I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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