update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
