i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
