Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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