I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
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