To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
