"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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