this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
