I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
