whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
