i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
