We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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