don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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