We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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