3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
