vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
This is the high leading the old right now
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
