i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
