I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
