no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
