I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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