Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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