While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Your penis caused this!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
