The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The beer is more important than you right now.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
