She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
