The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
