You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
