My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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