You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
