kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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