Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
