drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Every concussion has its silver lining
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
