i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
