the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
