How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
