a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
