so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
