Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
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