tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
