Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just had sex on a roof
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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