i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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