he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
