I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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