As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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